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ever felt like you’re so lost, like you’re not entirely sure whether or not what you’re doing is exactly what you’re meant to do? i explicitly think i’m in that state at the moment, and i don’t think i like it- not one bit.

there are so many doubts being planted in my brain. sadly, by the people i actually trust. perhaps i just need to buck up my 5 times prayer- to pray once it’s time to, and to search for tranquility, the hereafter, instead of drowning myself with what’s temporary.

however, i know i can’t just simply aim for the hereafter to a point that i neglect what i should be doing in this dunia. that’s what i mean- i’m at that little corner down the road, with billions of winding roads right in front of me and all that’s left is to just choose, walk on, or stay put & rot.

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tu mi menkues

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i don’t know. i can’t really find the right words to explain how blissful my life has been, and how grateful i am to have been given such a way of living. Allah has truly been kind. i can say that i’ve got illustration and graphic works coming my way (filling in the SAHM void), and i’ve got time to manage my kid the way i want to. i’m quite content with how things are going for my baby and i- our routines, how he’s growing well and already walking (finally!).

so now that he’s growing (alhamdulillah), it’s high time i focus on myself- searching for what i should be focusing on, as a fulltime career. please pray for me.

as for now, enjoy some photos of my beautiful butterball :’-)

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di tingkat dua

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ah- baby’s asleep. finally. after what seemed like a hectic playtime, the little boy’s finally resting. now it’s time to clean up, bathe, cook and do every work i’ve got left to finish up before he wakes up”

and then i’d reach for my laptop, open the browser and begin typing out online stores’ websites, where i’d finally end up clicking the button, “check out”.

i’m guilty of this- shopping for clothes as a way to release stress. it’s actually nothing wrong, though. i need clothes for shows, for interviews, for appearances and basically for anything that requires me to look appropriate. however- it’s the storage that’s an issue!

our house is packed with clothes. i even have to keep them over at my mom’s place. my husband’s got tonnes of clothes since his youthful days, and here i am, during mine, collecting clothes myself.

i’ve been purchasing clothes, and feeling so satisfied once its arrived at my doorstep. i’d happily open the packages up, and have images of when to wear them, and what to wear them with.

i guess it’s not entirely something i should feel guilty about. after all the mothering i’m doing, i do think i deserve some time being myself, pursuing my career and walking my specific style while i’m at it, no?

what about you, what do you guys think?

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excuse me, miss. my toy’s on the other side

hidayat drags himself around everywhere nowadays. that’s practically all he does whenever we place him anywhere around the house. of course we try our best to refrain him from crawling on carpets (basically because of his skin condition). he loves being pulled up to sit and stand, with support. i would sometimes hang his arms over my hands at knee-length, and walk him around the house- step by step. he absolutely loves it. however, he absolutely detests sitting down. still unsure whether it’s because he still has issues trying to balance himself while he’s sitting up, or whether he’s just too curious and active that he always ends up toppling as he tries to reach out for a toy (or anything he could grasp).

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recently he’s started having rough spots close to his mouth and nose area. i’ve been rather paranoid about it, afraid it might flare up and end up becoming another eczema case but part of me says it might just be a little rash from all his drooling.

till next time!

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hidayat: the eczema expedition iv



after what seemed like a whole decade, he’s finally progressed. a whole lot. i’m feeling extremely thankful, for the fact that he’s no longer scratching his face, rubbing his face onto our clothes, finding every opportunity to take a quick-scratch whenever our hands are off his, and fighting his way out of his swaddle.

so here’s a recap of how to manage your kid’s eczema:

  • find it’s source. is it his gut? does he have a leaky gut? then fix his gut. pre, probiotics, lay off gluten and sugary food. any food intolerance/s? doctors will ask you to lay off the usual: egg, nuts and cow’s milk- but how certain are you that it has to be one of the common causes? i’ve heard of cases in which the baby’s intolerance is towards something as basic as wheat, and in most cases, even rice. as how common shellfish may also be classified into the ‘common food intolerance’ group, some are very well allergic to chicken and certain vegetables. what about environmental allergens? does your kid flare up when exposed to smoke (cigarette smoke’s the worst by the way, not only for eczema kids)? smoke from hawker stalls? could it be something simple, as simple as dustmites? should your kid lay off the carpet (DUST TRAP #1)? should you start clearing out those supposedly sentimental-valued possessions that have actually been collecting dust?
  • moisturize. moisturize all your might, and make sure to patch test before applying any type of moisturizer. find moisturizers that are free of harmful chemicals and preferrably ones without fragrance. can’t list ’em down here, but everybody’s favourite buddy Google would do the trick.
  • don’t bathe them too long/too often. i’d lay off from using soap, since some soaps irritate their skin. i’m currently using qv’s bath oil and so far it’s been working well on hidayat. some mommies are taking the organic way, and some have the time to concoct their own products for bathing/moisturizing. once you’re done bathing them, don’t wipe their body dry. dab it. *dab*
  • prevent them from scratching. it’s almost totally impossible, but when there’s a will, there’s a way.
  • be hygienic. change their bedsheets/covers every other day. vacuum up. don’t simply chuck their wipes or hankies everywhere and use it by dabbing/rubbing onto their skin later on. dropped their toy somewhere on the floor? wipe/wash it before letting them play it again. yeah, it’s fine if your kid hasn’t got eczema, for them to be exposed to a lot of germs to strengthen their immunity but in the case of eczema, you may never know what germ’s infested his/her toy, and has got onto his/her skin (or maybe this is just the germaphobe side of me talking??? can’t blame me though, hidayat’s eczema expedition has taken a toll on my paranoia :’D).
  • hydrate. keep them hydrated always. make sure they try their best to drink, any form of liquid (so long as it’s clean). they don’t like plain water? give them juices or anything else that they don’t mind ingesting. soup maybe?
  • love them. shower them with plenty of love. put yourself in their shoes and understand from their point of view: the agony of having to withstand the prickling painful itch. the burning sensation (especially like those, unlucky enough to have eczema affecting their cheeks). stress only makes things worst. it makes their eczema flare up, in fact. talk to them gently. try to discipline them in ways that are least stressful. yeah. i know. easier said than done, but better to prevent than to treat.

progressively as they grow in age i guess it’s best to expose them to germs/activities that would strengthen their immunity, but if they’re babies like hidayat, then better to take all the preventive measures and only post risk when they’ve got a stronger immune system (it strengthens with age). if things are getting worst and preventive measures have been taken- yet the red insists it stays; head over to the hospital. some infected eczema needs treatment. antibiotics, antifungals and whatnot, which could only be determined & prescribed by medical professionals. from my experience though, take note, the dosage of steroid (if prescribed topically or orally) given, whether it’s too strong of a steroid level for your kid’s eczema. learn how to properly apply it (apply it thinly! AS THIN AS POSSIBLE!), and how to taper it down. i understand and was once told to abruptly stop the usage of steroid once the flare has calmed down, but that was exactly my mistake: abruptly discontinuing the use of steroid. read up about ‘tapering down steroids’ or even better, ‘tapering down (insert specific name of steroid medicine)’. learn. don’t be lazy to read. when i stopped using steroids on hidayat abruptly, the next time he flared up it was twice as bad as the previous flare-up. turns out his skin was addicted to the steroid, hence, steroid dependency, and the need to taper it down.

i guess that’s about it. i’m no medical advisor or professional, but i sure as hell went through a lot to understand what eczema basically is, and how to basically treat it. i hope my experience as a mother of an eczema kid would help other mothers (who may have stumbled upon this blog during their 3-4am eczema-cure-research) out there treat their kid’s eczema.

below are a list of local groups i’d suggest joining for you to get more information about eczema and how to deal with it:

i’ve got to thank all the doctors, mothers and sufferers in the above groups, for sharing all their knowledge and experiences in treating/overcoming eczema inside out. go check the groups out, be diligent enough to read their documents, and search for keywords like “QV” or “weepy eczema”, “0.9% saline solution” or “klinik dr noh”, if you need to understand anything you may have trouble understanding from articles, or even post up questions, if needed. everyone there are suffering from the same thing, so imagine how supportive they are and how resourceful they could be!

to top it all off, keep up the prayers & believe that in any way, God’s always watching & helping you through it ❤

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