dah pantang memantang : i

i can’t believe nobody warned me about how horrifying pantang would be like?

most women give out warnings that lean more to soothing the fear of delivery & complications that arise, yes, but never about how the doctor would presume your agreement about conducting an emergency episiotomy on you, causing a whole lot of bleeding post-delivery and the fact that you’d be feeling a whole lot of swelling and stinging sensation (topped with negative thoughts of your stitches tearing apart, in slow motion, with that slow-mo “rip” sound- adoi susah bila imaginative sangat ni).

everybody warned me about 44 confinement days of no luxurious food and hot moments with your SO (which i dont mind, considering the numerous amount luxury foods i’ve been binging on and ticking off my list during my last month of pregnancy), but no one ever mentioned that i’d have to inch my way to the toilet (either supporting myself with the wall or being assisted by someone), have someone fetch the pipe for me since i can’t squat up without assistance to reach it, take a whole ten minutes to literally sit (on the bed! not even on a hard chair!) and get up, have someone help me put on my undies and socks (in which most cases, mama would help me with) since one musn’t bend down as much.

GOD KNOWS how much sweat i’ve been pooling for the past two weeks- 30% derived from just sitting down and getting up from the bed, 30% from attempting to urinate/get up/dab the youknowwhat area dry to prevent from any infection, 10% from changing my beautiful baby’s diapers (not complaining, but diaperchanging in the first week felt like completing a whole 7km marathon).

and just 30% itself from the fear of a bowel movement and actually sitting through one, altogether.

a thousand apologies to all you mothers out there who had to go through pantang, whether it was easy or difficult for you, whether you had assistance or had to suffer from it alone with nobody around to help (this, i can’t even try to imagine). you guys deserve the whole world’s love and care.

there’s no wonder as to why Allah had made our mothers’ feet our “entrance to heaven” because oh heaven’s be, just the first phase of being a mother (to just one) is already a whirlpool of challenges.

remind me to kumpul enough for a new LV bag for my mom one day.

tapi of course, after all the struggle, you eventually turn to face the little innocent creature who came out of you, sleeping safe and soundly. that’s when you know it’s all worth it.

on another note: tudia, nak poopoo rasa macam delivering for the second time. i literally shivered my way through a bowel movement.

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