hidayat: aqiqah

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alhamdulillah yesterday’s aqiqah went pretty smoothly! props to my family for making the effort to conduct such an amazing aqiqah ceremony & celebration for our baby hidayat.

we had UBE to cater our food and of course, everything tasted so good. a few days before, we headed over to theprettythings.my for hidayat’s pelamin deco. in all honesty we were a tad bit overwhelmed, simply because the props were all too pretty! mata rambang, taktau nak pilih mana satu.



my sister set out to find items for our doorgift to those who had attended the marhaban in the morning. she prepared prayer mats for the ladies.

all in all, alhamdulillah as i’d said before, it went on pretty smoothly. baby behaved well throughout the day.

he started screaming later at night when we were over at yuna’s for her surprise party though. not good. had to leave early. mhm. i guess it’s true, he still is too young.

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blessed, are you?

some people are just really blessed, while others, aren’t as much.

remember when i mentioned in my previous post, the fact that i haven’t been feeling grateful enough? indeed, i haven’t. i’m actually putting all the blame on my hormones, haha.

some people are blessed with an easy kid to manage, while the others- god-knows-how-little-the-population-is; aren’t. i happen to fall under the difficult-baby-mommy category.

my son’s beautiful. as beautiful as he is though, he has gas problems and this simultaneously means – extra stretches of sleepless hours (for both him and i), non-stop crying and screaming (out of pain, as the gas keeps poking him in the tummy-tums) which leads to a very worried and frustrated mother, and overly excessive clingyness to me due to the fact that he doesn’t feel comfortably settled enough most of the time, to be alone by himself.

stress aside, i love clinging on to him, as how he clings on to me. however, i can’t manage to do anything at all!

as i type this, he is casually laying in a ring sling which i had to purchase out of desperation (i was previously strongly against slings, really), all snuggled up in my arm (previously, arms, before the ring sling came into the picture).

this made me wonder, how did all you mothers of difficult children (who might even have worst cases of colic? i consider my son’s colic episodes to be fairly moderate), whilst managing the house? ok perhaps you don’t manage the house and it stays a mess for the first few months yes, but how do you find time to eat? to drink? to even go to pee, when your baby insists that he does not leave your arms whenever you attempt to put him down?

let alone, mothers of the same baby kind, with extra toddlers/kids to manage?

patut lah syurga tu di bawah tapak kaki ibu. sekarang dah terlebih faham sangat. bak kata my mother, “sebab tu bila anak degil, rasa nak sepak sangat”. yup.


when he’s not fussy or crying, he’s one of the most angelic babies i’ve ever seen. his smile is as bright as the morning sun and his coos are so melodic, enough to make dew drops fall in slow-mo without using an iphone to slow-mo it.

i’ll probably get to answer my own question in the next few months. lets hope i’ll still stay sane enough by then! eep.

k he’s crying gotta go.


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tak sedar diri


ever noticed how there’s always something we’re not satisfied with?

let’s say- one day, i feel like having a deserving serving of ‘meehun tomyam’ at secret recipe after a really tiring work session. i have ‘ngam ngam’ amount of money in my purse to pamper myself with, and i head over to secret recipe. my food’s served and just as i am about to devour my oh-so-beautiful tomyam, my eyes linger over to another customer’s suddenly mouthwatering-looking ‘grilled seabass and lobster sauce’ which costs a tad bit extra than my almost-being-scooped-into-my-mouth tomyam.

there i sit, staring blankly at my tomyam, contemplating- whether or not, that i should ask for the waiter to take my tomyam away, order the seabass instead, while i rush over to the nearest atm to take some cash out of my almost-nil savings account, just to have that mouthwatering grilled seabass and lobster sauce digested in my tummy.

knowing i would have to use part of my savings would make me upset, therefore, i end up eating my tomyam and leaving it half-eaten just because i lost my appetite after then, wanting the grilled seabass instead.

why do i have to look over at another customer’s plate? why, when i’ve already gotten what i’d wanted?

tamak haloba? greed? impatience? what?

i wish we all knew how to feel much more grateful for what we have, rather than comparing ourselves and our lifestyles with others who may have achieved much more than what we have, as of now. i wish we wouldn’t be disheartened and unhappy, just because things don’t seem to be going the way we want it to, and because things may be going on track- at a super slow pace.

sad to say, i may be one of these ungrateful people.

i’m twenty three, married, secured with a house, a husband who works, i’ve got myself a side job by making music and singing along with my friend, i’ve been blessed with a son (however tough-to-handle he may be), i’ve got a car, my family members are all supportive of me and we’re all close-knitted, my parents are the excruciatingly loving, caring and concerned; alhamdulillah.

yet here i am, looking at my friends who are with a stable job, a career that’s pretty much secured (or at least getting there, with job experience), wondering when my turn would be, to earn a stable income of my own.

what about you? what aren’t you grateful of?


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#zueisback penang

tough game for a new mama right here.


went over to penang for a show on tuesday! it was for usm penang’s convex 2017, and in all honesty, it was pretty exhausting for a chick who was practically stuck at home for a whole month, on her bed (or just wandering inside her room, minding her really manja baby).

we were playing alongside masdo and salam music, all of us stayed over at vistana as well. however exhausting it was, though, i have to admit, it took my mind off practically all my worries for at least a brief moment so i could feel a tad bit re-energized when i came back home.

on a side note, the convex17 organizers were really good. they were really concerned with what the artists wanted and how we felt about things. really suited to our needs, so it was all in all really good!


ag picked me up from klia 2. according to my maid, baby behaved really well the whole day and night when i was away. baby was being fed by his tokma when we reached home, and it was cute how my mother went all, “tengok siapa tu? papa la” and right after, baby turned over to look at ag whilst still being fed. sigh.

.. he then refused to sleep soundly and behave as well as how he ‘supposedly’ behaved when i was away. zz. i can conclude that he’s definitely just feeling really attached to me at the mo.

wondering when he’d start feeling confident enough to sleep on his own. let’s all pray for it, inshaaAllah.

till next time!


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dah pantang memantang: v

here i am, receiving a good back massage from bik ana (a good one, yes, but rather distracted one too since she’s simultaneously watching her favourite indonesian sinetron on her phone- ah maids and youtube nowadays).

today will be my final day of confinement and i’m honestly looking forward to the end of it. i had a blast! .. foodwise. at other times, i dreaded the fact that i wasn’t recovering as quick and swiftly as i thought i would, for a twenty three year old.

partly because my son’s quite a cheeky/tough one. ah.

anywho. i’ll be having a slice of pepperoni pizza tomorrow and believe me, it wasn’t even my idea. they were all having a good pizza night just now. had three large boxes of pizza ordered and when i went to my mom’s for a toilet break, she casually asked, “yana nak pizza?”. without hesitation, i said, “boleh kan? dah last day dah esok”. she smiled. “boleh, tapi kamu ada double chin tu, nak ke?”


i’m having pizza for breakfast tomorrow, nonetheless.

all in all, my pantang was a huge roller coaster ride. can’t say i hated it, can’t say i loved it either but alhamdulillah, troubles and pain aside- it’s all good, and definitely an experience that not everybody is able to go through.


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dah pantang memantang: iv

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here are some notes, reminding myself that i should be convinced with my maternal instincts:

i am convinced that..

  • my child does not sleep at night because he has yet to settle down with the worldly bodyclock. i’ve tried cutting down my coffee (totally, imagine that?!), and a few other “energy-boosting” food/beverages, however, he is still almost always wide awake at night.
    therefore: coffee every morning, back on.
  • my child needs to be hugged almost twenty four seven, and he will not fall into deep slumber if we do not swing him for at least a solid hour. the goal is always to make sure he falls back asleep before he manages to yawn the third time in your arms. when successful, it’s “land, ho!”. otherwise, it’s back to square one- with a super cranky baby wriggling around in your arms.
    therefore: swing, swing, and swing till you drop.
  • last but not the very least, if all of the above recurs, he’s going through a growth spurt.
    therefore: persevere, mama!

born 3.35kg, then 4.3kg at his one month mark, that’s pretty good i suppose?

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disini jelasnya
kebenaran yang terungkai
setelah lamanya 
terpahat pada mahligai

pohon ku kekuatan
kiranya ku kau simpan
disini jelasnya
kebenaran yang terungkai

hinakah aku
hingga kau menista?

segalanya ku kerah
demi yang terindah
kau tetap menatap
gambaran yang parah
tidak cukup kah
hingga ku kau sisir rendah?
sedarku kini
kau telah berubah

setelah aku kau nodai,
berkobarlah aku, sendiri.

– z

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